For Golfers

While golfing, I took a quick turn to avoid hitting a chuck hole, and accidentally overturned my golf cart near a tree close to the cart path. I severely banged my head.

A very attractive golfer who lived on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise and ran out of her villa and shouted, “Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing only a silky see through bath robe which was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a VERY, VERY nice figure.

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself from under the twisted cart.

She said, “Come to my villa so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head. Then you can rest a while and I’ll help you upright the cart later.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, but I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse” she insisted. “I need to see if you have other scrapes and treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive and, being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We walked to her place just 100 yards away, and after a couple of Scotch and waters and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile, letting her robe fall even more open. “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything, and by the way, where is she?”

I replied, “Still under the cart, I guess.”

 

OLD GOLFER

A circus owner runs an ad for ‘lion tamer wanted’ and two people showed up.

One is a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other is a drop-dead, gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The gorgeous brunette says, “I’ll go first.”

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and prepares to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick every inch of her body for minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor! He says, “That’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like that in my life!”

He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?”

The old golfer replies, “Possibly … but you’ve got to get that lion out of there first.”

 

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